SophieJ Life Experiences

Have you ever felt that nervous energy when your spirit senses something serious is about to unfold, but you can’t quite identify what it is? Sometimes this feeling arises when things are going well; other times, it occurs while you’re just trying to stay afloat. For some of us, it even sneaks into our dreams, vivid, unsettling visions of things that haven’t yet happened but somehow feel real.

A few weeks ago, my father, my only known father to man and God, had a stroke. That single event shifted the entire course of my life. “Disruption” feels too mild a word for what my family and I have been experiencing. I’m still processing everything, but a few key points have stood out to me along the way.

First, the healthcare system treats you differently when you seem informed or educated. When English isn’t your first language, you have to stay on high alert. Add race into the equation, and the dynamic changes completely. I can’t imagine my parents navigating this system alone, stressed, trying to stay strong, and juggling hospital politics. I’m deeply grateful that my sister and I can step in to carry some of that weight.

I’m also incredibly thankful for the people who showed up for us through prayers, texts, phone calls, and home-cooked meals. I would much rather be overwhelmed by love than face a silent phone while someone I love is fighting for their life. Caring for aging parents is both a blessing and a challenge. The roles reverse, patience wears thin, and well-meaning relatives often arrive with a thousand unsolicited (and often unhelpful) medical opinions.

Can I just say, I’m tired?

One of the biggest challenges has been figuring out my father’s new diet: balancing glucose levels, portion sizes, and food pairings. Every day feels like a science experiment, and I swear I’ve lost a few brain cells in the process.

Through it all, life doesn’t stop. Bills are due. Clients still need care. Progress notes don’t write themselves. I won’t pretend I’m balancing everything perfectly, because I’m not. My world feels like it’s on fire, and I’m just doing my best not to get burned.

Some days, my mind drifts to bigger issues, Sudan, SNAP cuts, and the growing food insecurity in our communities, and I wonder how much more people can bear. Oddly enough, one thing keeping me grounded has been my workouts. Shout-out to my trainer, because those hours of lifting heavy weights to rap and Afrobeat playlists have been my therapy. It’s where I release the powerlessness before it swallows me whole.

I also want to give flowers to my co-captain, my sister, the real MVP. Balancing this family crisis while in grad school is no small feat, yet she has shown up every single day with strength and grace.

So, to anyone out there who is going through it, take care of yourself as best you can. Find your outlet, your support system, your tiny slices of relief. Life is absolutely “lifing” these days, but we keep rolling with the punches —crying, screaming, kicking —yet still moving forward.