SophieJ Life Experiences

My Mechanic Retired… and I Am Not Okay

My mechanic has retired.

Yes, deep breaths have been taken. Prayers have been sent up. Because my God today, it is that serious.

Do you know how hard it is, as a woman, to feel safe with your mechanic? To trust that you’re not being overcharged, talked down to, or subtly dismissed? To not have to call your father… but still call him anyway because, well, you know. A man remains a man. I’m not arguing with you.

So yes, I am unwell. Because now, I have to start over. Build a new relationship. Vet someone new. Hope they don’t hit me with the “pink tax.” Hope their rates are fair. Hope they’re respectful. Hope they don’t see me and think: easy target. I’m already stressed about it, and that alone says a lot. Because experience has taught me that sometimes, people will try to get over on you just because you’re a woman. And honestly? I’m tired.

Why are my razors more expensive? Why is anything pink priced higher? It’s giving… insane behavior.

Anyway…Joy. Let’s Talk About That.

On a much brighter note, I went to the Black Girl Art Show in Brooklyn this weekend, and I had the best time.

I’ve decided: I want to be outside this year. Whatever that means.

I can’t afford a vacation right now, so I’m reframing it, finding joy in experiences, in moments, in community. Because once you realize, as an adult, that you actually have to schedule your joy, everything shifts. Your perspective expands.

So yes, life is… a lot. Responsibilities are heavy. Being a “responsible adult” is draining in ways no one fully prepares you for. Some days I want to scream.

But instead, I breathe. I regulate. I choose what I engage with, and what I don’t.

Which brings me to dating…

Yeah. No.

I simply do not have the capacity right now to hold space for another human being’s emotions, expectations, or complications. I could pretend it’s a distraction, maybe even a “healthy” one, but even thinking about it made me sigh just now.

So that’s where we are.. (sorry… mom and aunts.. and married friends.. and church members… oh the IRS too since I am overcharged because I am single and have no dependents)

What’s Keeping Me Grounded

Right now, the constants are simple: work and the gym.

Oh, and I organized a church event this past March. The theme was Restoring Strength & Nutrition, and we even had a workout session.

It was exhausting. Truly.

But also? So worth it.

Most of the attendees were older adults, and their energy, enthusiasm, and participation filled me up in a way I didn’t expect. Moments like that remind me why I show up the way I do.

Would I do it again?

…Probably not anytime soon.

Because let’s be real… I am barely staying afloat.

But it was a beautiful distraction. And apparently, I need those.

The Art of Escape (a.k.a Survival, Maybe)

If you’ve noticed, I keep using the word distraction.

That’s intentional.

Because right now? I need it.

I fell deep into a Tyler Perry’s Divorced Sistas binge. I watched some questionable internet drama. I went back to Audible. I picked up my Kindle again.

Tell me that’s not the most elite form of escape.

I’m actively trying to get out of survival mode. Trying to regulate my nervous system by any means necessary.

Is it working?

Barely.

As Naika sings, Barely. (Also, her album Eclesia? On repeat. Do yourself a favor.)

I can’t even make it to her concert this year, which is heartbreaking. But that’s adulthood, right? Constant decisions. Constant trade-offs.

Also… I still haven’t watched Bridgerton. I need to get it together.

An assistant would be nice. If I could afford one.

Pause With Me for a Second

Have you paused today?

Like, actually paused?

Checked in with yourself? Regulated your breath? Asked, “Am I okay right now?”

Because here’s the truth: you get one life. One chance to do this whole life thing.

And I’m not saying do it perfectly, but at least try to do it intentionally.

That’s what I’m trying to do.

So shoutout to my support system.

Shoutout to my weird, wonderful friends.

Shoutout to artists who keep creating.

Shoutout to the thinkers on TikTok.

Shoutout to the coffee shop across from the office (one of the main reasons I am broke).

And shoutout to you… for waking up and trying again.

Because honestly? That’s everything.