SophieJ Life Experiences

Red White and Royal Blue……………….

I was deeply moved by this entire book and found the audiobook version fantastic. As a mental health therapist during Pride month, I feel it’s essential for me to understand the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community and how societal norms and prejudices can be incredibly painful for those who don’t fit into them. Contrary to what some believe, sexual orientation is not a choice any more than your skin color or the family you were born into. Personally, if given the choice, I would still be black but perhaps from a different ethnic background and definitely not dark-skinned. I know society’s beauty standards and have learned to love myself deeply and unconditionally. However, I still remember hurtful comments about my skin color and my Haitian nose from when I was younger. I realize that I never had a choice in the matter of how I was born, just as LGBTQ+ individuals don’t have a choice in who they are. It’s not something they can grow out of or change, and it’s certainly not just a preference or desire to be different. For many, it is a lifelong burden filled with grief and pain.

I am learning, of course, and I am working to understand because I want to be a better human. I strive to be the kind of person who provides a safe space for friends and family, allowing others to be their authentic selves around me. Therefore, I have chosen to educate myself. While I cringe at past remarks or thoughts, I am brave enough to admit that I may have unknowingly hurt some people, which does not excuse it. We live in a cruel world that does not appreciate anything out of the ordinary, making it quite dull, to say the least, but it is the horrifying truth. We live in a world where some people would instead turn a blind eye to genocides to protect their own selfish interests. It’s a world where discussions often revolve around classism, skin tone, background, bank accounts, pretty privilege, likes, views, followers, and body count, while next-door babies are crying themselves to sleep due to hunger. It’s a time to be alive, but not necessarily a time to be well. Could these futile subjects keep us alive and prevent us from falling into complete depression? Being “woke” seems like a full-time job, so much so that Ms. Dulce herself mentioned that sometimes she felt like she had to choose between being black or being a woman because she was a part of so many minorities. I wonder how a queer person decides what to focus on based on the environment they are in.

There is a lot of talk about what feminism means on social media. It’s important to note that there is a difference between being confused and actively choosing not to learn. Unfortunately, there are some people, often referred to as “PickMe,” who champion the male ego and support the continuation of the patriarchy. Blaming feminism for the deterioration of family values while ignoring issues like femicide, domestic violence, and misogyny is unfair, and these individuals are aware of it. When it comes to feminism, the only perspective I recognize is intersectional feminism. White women and their fragile egos cannot be relied upon to create a safe space when it comes to issues of race. The demand for protection and playing the victim most likely prevails. Creating your own network and carefully considering how you want to present yourself is crucial in these spaces. Learning to navigate these spaces while being true to yourself is a skill that comes with being black. Finding spaces where being authentic is not seen as a threat is essential.

I often think about what being the first black person in a specific role means. While it may seem like an honor to break barriers and pave the way for others, it also involves a great deal of sacrifice that isn’t always acknowledged. Just consider the experiences of individuals like Ruby Bridges, the Obamas, David Laing, and many others. With great power comes immense responsibility, but at just six years old, Ruby Bridges simply wanted to go to school and did not ask for the racism and hostility that targeted her and her family.

One more random thoughts floating in my mind…. When it comes to work, it is mainly a transaction. I went to school, applied myself, and now I want to sell my services. All I want is fair pay for my worth and to live comfortably. Climbing the corporate ladder should not lead to mental health issues, strained relationships with family and friends, and overwhelming loneliness. I’ve been in survival mode for so long that I prioritize regularly checking in with myself, offering reassurance, and recharging when necessary. I am glad that more people realize that their job or career should not define their entire identity. It’s still just a job; we are so much more than that. If your title was taken away, who would you be? A decent human being or a burden to those around you? Who would you be without all the artifices and decorations?

PS: Most days, organized religious communities make me cringe. Am I the only one?