Do we really don’t see the red flags or don’t want to? Or don’t we know how to recognize them? There’s so much to unpack here! So bestie, let’s try this… First, take a pause to look at the definition of red flags in relationships… Then, now that you’re back, what are some of the things we thought were romantic or cute, which are, in reality, red flags? I blame all those romantic books (mostly written by men) and of course Disney!!!! Also, the bars are so low, especially for men, that common human decency is seen as chivalry! I cringe when I hear women rave about being treated right as if it was a favor or a huge deal! Sis, relationships struggles is not a flex.
We were raised to think someone’s controlling behaviors were, in fact, attention and proof they cared about us, which leads us to accept so much disrespect in the name of love. Also, sometimes, the pressure of wanting to be in relationships can drive people insane! On one of my favorite podcasts this week, the girls on the 99% anomaly podcast went all in! When I received the notification: “Alpha Male”, I immediately thought, oh, they are going there! And boy, they did not disappoint! There shared plenty of resources on the term alpha male and how men often used it to mask their childish behavior behind this idea of being dominant in a relationship (don’t come at me with that “not all men”) Chile!!! The entitlement of certain people!!! Complete mess…. (seriously, if you can, check them out, they are on all podcast platforms).
So, what do you do when your gut tells you to stop! Attention, danger here! I agree that it can be difficult. Some people are award winners of metamorphosing. They can take any form they want and foul others with their intentions, like Brad Pitt and his versatile style; seriously, this man dressed according to his partner’s style, take a look and tell me what do you think. On a serious note, if it feels something is not right, chances are they are not, so it might be helpful to do a quick run check to be sure, unless you decide to be blind regarding certain aspects of someone’s personality or aspects of the relationships. I know we talked about this before, but remember to review your expectations and don’t let people gaslight you because they want so “much more” with you, and you are “wasting time” making sure your expectations are understood.
One thing that I am figuring out is that our expectations can differ depending on our needs> So I am allowing myself to explore who I am and be truthful to what I might want or need at the moment. It’s 2021, please don’t assume anything unless it is stated!!!! And if you decide to settle, do it for yourself, not because of pressure of loneliness! Furthermore, how do we feel about working on ourselves? So we don’t end up in the same situations repeatedly because we don’t know how to recognize a specific pattern or are unaware of what red flags might be!
PS: Your pain is a valid friend! Just because someone’s house flooded does not mean me losing my car to the hurricane does not matter. We can both feel for each other while acknowledging our feelings. It is not a pain contest.