Have you ever been so emotionally shocked that your entire body reacts to it? It is not a pleasant experience, I can attest to that. Drink some water, friends; this one will not be easy. And please stop and take of yourself if you feel triggered at any given moment.
You can never know how much someone would disappoint you until it happens. And at one point in your life, taking a stance could mean losing friends or close ones because it’s either you or them. I’m not talking about snitching on someone to save yourself, but standing for what you believe in. Because at the end of the day, could you go to sleep knowing you compromised your integrity or did not live up to your values?. Either way, the decision is yours but also remember there is no perfect bad or good; it could depend on the angles. Just because you understand a situation from a point of t view should not invalidate someone’s perception.
I grew up around religious people, so I understand judgments, not from God, let’s be clear. People know when they are tolerated but not wanted. If one thing I’ve learned from this environment is the ability to leave a double reality, so well, it becomes second nature. Why is this, would you ask? My guess would be hypocrisy. The desire to be valued. The fear of being inadequate. There’s so much more to add. However, how can you practice authenticity in such an environment? When faking becomes second nature? The ability to hide genuine emotions? It is a scary situation and, quite frankly, hard to get out of.
I want to practice living in your values. Not only say I am an upstander but not being a bystander when people I know are involved. It is so easy to turn blind eyes when our feelings are involved. It is so much easier to call out a stranger than family members or close friends. However, doesn’t the change start at home? It’s not about being the moral compass of anyone else life, but yours. Again, hold yourself accountable for what you choose to do or say; recognize they have consequences. How can you be lactose intolerant and eat cheese? You know what’s about to happen!
While I want to be compassionate and mindful of what other people are going through, my constant question is, where do I draw the lines? When should I remove myself from certain situations and stay true to my values? One of my favorite TikTok of this week was a video about matching energy. And I thought about it, instead of matching someone’s energy when they are engaging in toxic behaviors or not respecting my boundaries, I want to remove myself from their company instead. It takes a lot to match energy but is much more gratifying not to be part of the equation. It’s called value your peace of mind.
PS: what are your point of view on splitting the bill when in a group party? Should everyone pay the same, or should people who consciously order the entire menu add more?