Please: “pick me”! I’m so different!

Are there more important issues? Yes, but after one encounter this week, this stayed on my mind, so let’s process it together, shall we? I thought being a “pick me” stopped at a certain age, but as I grew older, I discovered that grown-ups could also be pick me! I understand why teenagers seek validation, especially from the opposite sex, but grown people? Throwing their great girlfriens under the bus and putting them down using the low maintenance/ cool card? Is it caused by a lack of confidence? The necessity of being seen as different? Want to play it cool? You might ask, “what is a pick me.” Ask, and you shall receive!

Have you ever met the: “I’m so not like the others who don’t wear make-up because it’s like a mask. I mostly hang out with men because women are so dramatic! I’m constantly talking about other people, comparing them to me, so you can see how different I am! I’m just one of the guys! I don’t wear revealing clothes! I’m so shy! I’m so not that pretty and always need to point out what’s wrong with others, preferably same sex as me. If anyone gives me the slightest compliments, they are most likely hitting on me! And I will tell everyone about it”. #coolgirl

It’s not a girl or woman thing! I’ve met some pick-me men, and they are exhausting! Always try the “nice card” too much and show its true colors once it’s no longer working, or if they don’t get it their way! Why would it be others’ responsibility to comfort you and constantly praise how good you are, why are you trying the empathy card? Why the need to diminish your peers so you can get attention? When it comes to women, could it be a form of internalized misogyny ? This desire to constantly seek male validation by any means? They need to suppress themselves and make men comfortable. It’s sad, but the patriarchy is deeply rooted in society! To be aware of it, an extra effort needs to be made! However, what are the reasons for the pick me men? You have it all for you already! Your bare minimum is praised! The bar is in hell when it comes to any expectations from you.

Why are women so ready to drop a girlfriend at the slightest inconvenience but will forgive a man numerous times for outrageous behavior? Seriously why are we holding our girlfriends to higher standards? I will admit that we developed different relationships with them than a partner; they’ve been there through hardships and celebrations. So we expect a lot from them, and being disappointed can hurt more than a romantic breakup. However, we are still humans! Feelings can get hurt, but shouldn’t we be able to move past them, given out our history? I don’t have the answers; every circumstance and contexts matter, but we need to think about why can’t we move to pass on most things a girlfriend would do but would easily forgive a man for it. I know it’s not about financial security, and you know it too.

PS: as the oldest daughter of an immigrant household, I salute all the single mothers!

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