Adjustments Needed

I have been MIA for so many weeks here, and I am genuinely sorry. I have to reduce certain activities because it is so difficult to juggle life. Between practicum, school, and work, I am exhausted! I struggle to maintain a healthy routine in my life at this moment. I am tired, irritated, and quickly set off when someone outside my colleagues reminds me that it will be okay. I will be able to succeed in my endeavor and look back on it and reflect, but right now, it is hard.

You might ask: what are your plans to stay alive in this chaos? And I did make a plan! I signed up for an app with a meal plan, breathing exercises, and a workout program! I also decided that therapy was inevitable. But more importantly, I found my voice and used it for the word « no.» Between 40 hours of labor, full-time school, and internship, pleasing people cannot be on the list. I barely have enough energy left to take of myself! So, unless it’s a life-saving situation, keep me out of it! I was unaware of how stressed I was until last Sunday when I woke up with acute back pain! I couldn’t figure out where it came from. I didn’t pull any muscles, and did not make any sudden move, so why couldn’t I sit or lay down without a grunt?

However, when I went to my practicum class during the week, several other students were experiencing the same uncomfortable feeling! Was it somatic stress? But we have to acknowledge that something wasn’t working! We also felt validated somehow. No matter how supportive people around us might try to be, only someone from the same program can fully understand our feelings, frustration, and desire for this torture to be over! I don’t want to hear « enjoy the process » because it’s not a party! I can’t even hear « you’ll get through it.» The struggle is real!

Even though I’m sincerely doing my best to stay afloat, the year will be long! I look at my student loans and find motivation! Haha! I must complete the program and get my degree! It’s the last turn of the tunnel! Even if it seems long, the days will pass, and the sun will shine bright! Challenges will occur, and I will challenge them back! I’m giving myself grace and asking others to do the same! I’m establishing boundaries, and it might not be easy to keep myself in check, but that’s why the day has only 24 hours! I can try again once the sun arises!

PS: I am acknowledging my privilege to be in higher education and making plans! Because, as a woman from the poorest country in my continent, it is a huge opportunity.

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