Struggling immigrant

There are so many thoughts in my head these days! It’s working 24//7! The world is tense, anyway, from my lenses. Am I staying in my corner, trying not to get involved in drama? Kind of! Whether it is online or with people around me. However, good girls don’t make history! So, let’s get into it.

I’ve been living abroad for some time and still have not built any significant friendships! Most of the fantastic people I have met through social media live in other countries. As an immigrant, my main priority has not been building too many connections but elevating my education and getting better job opportunities. There is maybe a cultural barrier as well since the US is a melting pot, and not everyone will resonate with you. I’m not sad about it, but since I have a big birthday coming, I wanted to celebrate, not only with people who I consider family but with friends! I legitimately couldn’t think of five!

And one thing about Caribbean parents, they have no issues humbling you! When I mentioned the idea to my dad, this man said: “can your friends travel, since you don’t have any here.” The disrespect! Does he have a point? Yes! But did he need to check me like this? Unnecessary. Once again, I’m not complaining, I’m just stating facts, and if you live abroad, you might understand what I mean. And maybe past a certain point, meaningless relationships are no longer appealing. I know people, and I met some very nice ones, but we did not have the chance to develop deeper connections since we are on different paths. I appreciate them and enjoy their company.

I’ve been deflecting all week, by the way! Most cities in my home country have been locked for several days since people are out protesting. I barely follow the news, not because I don’t feel concerned but mainly to protect my mental health. I’ve understood that taking a break doesn’t mean not caring, but I also have to be aware of what triggers me. So, I’ve been floating, not feeling, not analyzing my pain. Existing and survival mode at its best while, of course, handling all the guilt of not being there or being able to help.

PS: what is your fall esthetic? But mostly, why is my AC still running!!!!!

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